Sunday, February 14, 2010

What's Going On 3

Not really any pain connected to my condition.
A constant ache in my right shoulder, which I will ask the oncologist about on that fateful Thursday (4th March).
Wanting to make the most of whatever time there is.
For me that involves a lot of writing and music and reading and listening.
Lois and I tried to talk about what it would be like without me here.
I find it almost impossible to get my head round that one!
We also discussed who my death would be worse for - her or me?
These are not the questions I think about very much, except when prompted by Lois.
Even thinking about how long I have left is kind of mind-boggling.
I love this life - leaving it behind seems like a sad farewell at times.
And yet I also believe in a life after this which will be good, but different.
Do I appear to be resigned to a death from cancer?
It's like that Charlton Heston quote - courage and surrender mixed/mashed up together.

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