It has to be said ...

... that I am being lectured on International Human Rights by Manny from Black Books right now. Probably Kris would see the humour in that comparison. Hope so, or that he restricts his internet surfing to blawgs rather than plain old blogs.

Ashes, tomorrow ... how to get the lid of the box?

Mellow fruitfulness

It has been, sometimes, a relaxing and fun thing to have just Alex and me at home the last month.
From my perspective, that is: I can't speak for Alex.

And now we have Sophie back, just in time for her birthday today.
Yesterday Tim Smith (my brother in law) gave up a day's shed / office / mancave building to keep me company on the 10ish hours of driving to Opotiki-ish and back, where Sophie nearly knocked me over when I first arrived with the extreme velocity and therefore force of of a welcome hug.

We had a tour of the place Sophie has been living for the last month (Kahunui); a presentation from her house of 7; then a ceremony with the staff and all 26 girls in the intake, the first for the year.

Each girl was presented with her silver hawk (Kahunui is the big hawk) to wear on her school uniform, and had some words spoken about her, describing her Kanunui journey and encouraging her onward, by one of her staff House Leaders.

Sophie was described as seeming quiet, and nice, with a lovely smile - but that was all until her strength became obvious. "Who would have thought the quiet girl at the back would have turned out to be such a leader?"

At the end of the ceremony the award for the intake was presented - donated by a 100-year old benefactor as Kahunui was being built. The Glad (for Gladys) Thomas award, represented by a lovely commissioned sculpture, kept always at the centre itself. The girl's silver hawk is also replaced by a gold hawk.

The award is voted for by the girls themselves and the staff, for the girl who "has accepted her own challenges, has empathy, is understanding and supportive of her peers. She is helpful, puts the needs of others first, gives emotional comfort, encourages positively and stretches the hand of friendship to many."
Kind of a mouthful :-)

The award was presented to Sophie, apparently by an unusual and overwhelming majority.
A wonderful way to be encouraged the day before you turn 14.

Sophie loved her time at Kahunui, and is having withdrawal pains ...
I'm so glad for her.

Season of mists

To every thing there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven.

A time to be born, and a time to die; a time to plant, and a time to pluck up that which is planted
A time to kill, and a time to heal; a time to break down, and a time to build up
A time to weep, and a time to laugh; a time to mourn, and a time to dance

A time to cast away stones, and a time to gather stones together; a time to embrace, and a time to refrain from embracing
A time to get, and a time to lose; a time to keep, and a time to cast away
A time to rend, and a time to sew; a time to keep silence, and a time to speak

A time to love, and a time to hate; a time of war, and a time of peace.
To every thing there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven.

Ecclesiastes chapter 3

Come 'ere, go 'way, come ...

Lost the ...
The what?
Can't remember what I was thinking.

Centering, Disciplined
Ready, Confident, Experimenting, Performing, Renewed
Resilient, Courageous, Failure-embracing, Humble
Easy, Comforted

Can't do it.
Considering the alternative, yes, we can.
I seem to remember a conversation with God (who was, unsurprisingly, also self) in the Bible like that. The answer was, yes, we will.
Then terrible things happened.
Which could somehow be borne.

I'm not trying to make an equation here. In any way.
Just observing.

As I haven't been here before, I don't actually know, just assume, there is a way.

Also:
Flowers. One. It only takes one.
Strength from my son. I only have one :-) . I am not Alex. I am Alex's mother. No one else is so lucky.
Gerald's birthday today.
4 months yesterday.
Scattering Gerald's ashes 19th March at Pakiri Beach. He is in my car. No he isn't. (Are you watching? Have you got way more interesting things to do? Are you waiting for me to get over myself and get on :-))
Picking up Sophie from Kahunui Saturday, Parents' day, long long driving.

International Human Rights (do they exist? Who will fulfil them? Will we hurt leaders who won't?).
Criminal law (we, Society, reserve the right to punish, following due process, those who have probably harmed others in selected ways).

Centering
Ready
Resilient
Easy

Time for a cup of tea.
Getting up in an hour.
It's very dark in the mornings these days, don't you think?

Reaching in and pulling up

I was sick last night (briefly) and Alex looked after me.

He is very cool.

Life happens

Feeling utterly condemned by myself ...

Which only I can fix ...

Still and all, I can only be part of the race if I am in it. It will be run with or without me.

I feel what I feel; the feelings are instructive, force insight, and threaten my capability.

Big news of the day: Gerald has gone. I keep thinking I know that, but emotions and common sense and simple facts aren't moving in lockstep.

There's an element of plodding involved here - but doing that for a long time is too horrible to contemplate, and not the kind of life I advocate.
Wait it out - experience tells me that things will soon change, and sometimes magic even happens.

Gerald has gone.
The unresolvable tensions and predicaments no longer need to be raised, resolved, or dangerously worked around.
The glorious contrasts can no longer be exploited.

There it is - the usual alloyed mixture of joy and despair.
Please bring me more!