I feel fine!
Physically, emotionally, spiritually.
This day of rest has indeed been restful.
My right shoulder gets sore if I do anything other than sitting up very straight or standing - could be due to the cancer in the liver which apparently can effect pain on the right side of the body, or the portacath and hook-up into my main artery.
It becomes achey and uncomfortable, especially in the evenings when I would rather be reclining slouchily).
I am very concerned for Lois's pain, which is I think even worse and more "unsolvable" than mine (prolapsed disc, ongoing pain from earlier fractures, muscular strain), albeit less terminal.
Wondering what do do about chemo if and when the option arises.
At this stage, if a prolonged AND relatively comfortable life is more on the cards, I'll give it a go.
The more time I have on this planet to be a positive influence on my nearest and dearest, the more reason I have to hold on.
I'm not sure how this comes across - I am not giving up, yet on the other hand am preparing for the journey onwards.
I read a quote in a book about Alzheimer's - "I must reconcile courage with surrender in equal measure" (Charlton Heston, via Wong Chai Kee, more of which later).
This seems to sum up my present state of mind.
Lois and I have decided to forego the Parisian trip this year in favour of a family trip somewhere closer, cheaper, more relaxed, etc.
Of course, if I should ever recover, Paris may still be there!
Today's gift of memories - the sunshine, pool, cicadas, Alexander learning to drive, Sophie working on a special party costume, Lois promising a party tonight, a large spider crawling across the living room (to where?), and some new songs...
G.
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