Squirm

Feeling skinless, raw, over-sensitive, open to criticism ...

Also hopeful, disciplined, watching for the corner ...

I was so very glad to know my plans for next year, and to have a gap now.
It feels right. Though it's truly tough with all of us feeling (I think) like my first line. We seem to be each willing to try, despite the raised pitched of emotional intensity.

And now I have 2 days out (all of Mon and Tues) coming. It feels very very short - but will be a big enough change to perhaps be long enough.

I started getting jealous of all my friends doing exciting Honours seminars next year, from which I excepted myself earlier when I realised I might really collapse without remedial action and dropped 1 paper. A reasonable option. And now I appreciate the consequences.

I would no more have missed "being there" during Gerald's fading and death than I would have willingly missed the birth experiences of and early months with my children.
Gerald was worth it.

Choppy and changy today.
Lots of thoughts, lots of feelings.
I want to write about the joys and talents of thinking, ideating, and feeling ...
Later

L