Wednesday, June 30, 2010

Flashbacks of a Fool DVD review

Baillie Walsh 2008

Covers same ground as When Did You Last See your Father (prev reviewed?)
Daniel Craig in lead adult role.
Childhood crises, coming-of-age, coping with loss...
Crucial role p;layed by Bowie's and Roxy Music's music (if there is something).
Entertaining, a bit crass, tight-ish script.

7/10.

Yusuf Islam - concert review

Sublime.
Humble, pure, refreshing.
Genuine energy and humour.
Performers and audience enthralled by the power of song.
Joyous and life-affirming.

20/10.

Monday, June 28, 2010

Yusuf Islam - A Feast of Miracles!!!

1. Never been to NZ before.
2. Was in "retirement", unlikely to tour ever again.
3. Then he decided to get back on the road!
4. And come to NZ.
5. And Andy got us tickets.
6. Front row.
7. Middle!
8. Incredible concert experience (reviewed later)...
9. And afterwards an audience with Yusuf and his wife and daughter...
10. Big hugs, exchange of gifts, small but significant discussion about life, music and names....
11. A humble, gifted man...a genuine musical prophet...and Yusuf wasn't bad either!!! (:))
12. Floated home.

One of the best nights of my short life...ever....

Miracles, coincidences, luck, providence, divine will?

All thanks to God.

And special thanks to Mr Fixit Chemobuddy Andy for making it possible in a practical way.

Love to all,

Gerald.

(should be some good pics coming up on the right!!)

monday's blessings

am now pump free...
portacath removed also...
eating and etc. like a true carnivore
first KFC today - very solemn ritual...
Andy looking after me start to finish...a trooooooper!

G.

Sunday, June 27, 2010

the squid and the whale (dvd review)

noah baumbach 2005

a slice of life tale about a new york divorcing family
poignant
superb acting from 16 year old jesse eisenberg
funny, very touching
great soundtrack with pink floyd;s hey you prominent

9/10

Sunday's story

Getting up late
struggling with samson for supremacy of footstool
special afternoon with richard s who sand some beautiful songs
all of which would go down well at a funeral
ian mander delivers copy of giantslayer - a gvw musical

Saturday, June 26, 2010

today's digest

jam donuts!
yay Maria C!
no bowel movements yet...
kids working/chilling at home.
will have night at home...

time with Andy today...

King Kong (DVD review)

200? Peter Jackson.

technically superb.
enjoy the humanisation of Kong.
Naomi Watts very attractive.
Island scene way too long.
More editing required, Sir Peter!

7/10

Friday, June 25, 2010

Goldberg Variations (CD review)

Sophie Dinnerstein, 2008?

Phenomenal pianist.
Reminiscent of Perahia and Schiff.
Clarity, sensitivity.
Which worlds will YOU visit in one session?
Highly recommended.

10/10

Friday's doings

miserable weather
heating turned up
drift thru the day
listen to Cat/Yusuf
visit to GP to touch base

Andy looking after me

Thursday, June 24, 2010

today so far

Marlene my niece looked after me REALLY well today.
Lorna shared some beautiful scripture.
The icecream continues to find a welcome spot.
Bowel movements progresss.
Elders came and prayed.
Aliens awaits....

Cold Mountain (DVD review)

Anthony Minghella, 2000?

Moving.
Beautiful scenery.
Savage war contrasted with sensitive love story.
Outstanding Kidman, Law, Hoffman and Zellwegger.
Gorgeous sountrack.

10/10

Wednesday, June 23, 2010

"Deliverance" (DVD review)

1972, John Boorman.

Chilling.
A trip down the river escalates into a tortured journey of the soul.
John Voight's performance is outstanding.
As are the shots of the canoes going downstream.
A strong moral tone undergirds the movie.

10/10.

WEDNESDAY

2nd visit from hospice nurse - very nice lady.
Kerry with me most of day - we watched Michael Jackson's this is it.
Rhett Snell new pastor over for visit - a music and coffeee freak also into clash and springsteen.
Michael Barker delivers YUMMY ice cream - sorbet and hokey pokey.
Relaxed time with kids watching Simpsons before Alex off to youth group and Sophie off to more homework.
I have a portacath removal coming up next Mon.

Monday, June 21, 2010

"Set" (CD review)

Youssou N'Dour, 1990.

This album burst forth after N'Dour's watershed with Peter Gabriel, Montreux, Womad, etc.
The musicianship is phenomenal, featuring the Super Etoile de Dakar.
Talking drums for Africa (doh!).
Some songs with political message.
An underlying, positive, redemptive energy that moves you in every way!
10/10

"Temple of Low Men" (CD Review)

Crowded House, 1987 (?)
A mature, accomplished set of songs.
Beautiful harmonies, evocative imagery.
Some unfinished ideas.
"Into Temptation" and "Better Be Home Soon" are standout tracks.
So, for 80s nostalgia...8/10.

"Booker's Guitar" (CD review)

Eric Bibb, 2010.

The latest golden nugget from this honey-tongued, generous-hearted, silky guitared gospel blues artist.
Based on a real life encounter in which he saw, held and played the legendary Booker White's Steel guitar.
The songs are warm - judt right for these winter months.
A few oldtimers as well - Nobody's Fault But Mine, Poor Wayfaring Stranger.
Beautiful, uplifting, comforting...10/10.

"Notes From a Small Island" (book review)

...by Bill Bryson, 1995.
Bill Bryson's observations of England before he returned to the U.S.A.
Warmhearted, generous and delightful.
Easy to read, love and imitate in one's heart.
Favourite episodes include Bill's turning up to John O'Groats, his trip through the lake district, and his encounter with cheap Catholic relics in Calais.
But they're all gems!
9/10.

Return of Zoidberg

This is a reference to Matt Groening's Futurama.
Also to my visible appearance over the last few days, with my nasal-gastric tube still inserted.
All Alien-related life forms are now non-apparent (tumours NOT included in this, of course).
It has been a looonnnnnng week of...
no food,
little sleep,
loads of love,
tiredness,
soccer....

Many thanks to all of you - hopefully more lucid moments remain to me!

G.

Coruscating days

Sparkling moments full of brilliance dissolve in showers of metallic shards, getting under the skin and rubbing raw.

Like Gerald arriving home yesterday. (a quiet, uneventful afternoon on the sofa, a safe sleep, going to return to the hospital in an hour or so).

A wonder to be at home together again.
A wonder to absorb how much has changed in a week or so.

And we won, 1-all again (it's gotta be a win to draw with Italy, surely?).
I do love the good mood everyone is in when sport goes well.

L

Sunday, June 20, 2010

There is freedom within, there is freedom without

Time out / off / away from hospital this afternoon - I'll be able to pick up Gerald and bring him home for some period of time.

Looking forward to that ... and things are moving. There may be liquids other than water and iceblocks today, even.

As usual, 021 606 115 for updates on whereabouts, visiting etc. Expecting Gerald to be back in hospital later this afternoon.

L

Saturday, June 19, 2010

Seasons of mellow fruitfulness

No change yet.

Still comfortable, still waiting.

Visitors welcome, but if more than one set of you arrives at once it may be best to keep the overlap short (so who made you the visitors police, Lois?).
Just cos Gerald got a bit overtired last night after having had a bit much going on at once.

No news can be good news.

L

Thursday, June 17, 2010

Shine On, You Crazy Diamond

Yes, it's a repeat lyric, seeming appropriate right now.

Alexander tonight, a careers evening (excellent, 12 passionate parents talking about their extremely varied career paths to a hall full of engaged students and parents).

Sophie and Alex together earlier with Wallace (you've heard of him) and Gro... I mean, Anthony, the palliative care Dr, in a side room at the hospital. Very caring professionals, very quiet children, but such news takes its own time to be processed.
We've made a start.

Grand Central Station today on the ward today, but a very friendly and caring one - then Gerald was moved into a super-deluxe own room with lazyboy, TV and private shower tonight. So this is how taxpayers' money gets spent! One of the better ways, perhaps ...

But the real changes of the day - as follows:
1. Gerald feeling FAR better with the naso-gastric tube down, with the stomach-emptying happening, and (first food for more than 5 days) 2 lemonade iceblocks this afternoon. No adverse affects yet.

2. A visit by the surgical consultant: a definite decision by the surgical team that no operation is possible, on 2 bases: firstly, Gerald's general state of health is not conducive to a "nipples-to-knees" operation, as it was described; secondly it would be like spraying gasoline on a fire to muck around amidst those determinedly metastasizing cells.

3. The understanding that if we can work good magic and get this blockage to resolve itself, more of the same is likely, that the subcut needle may be a permanent feature, and we will have a new normal.

4. Discussion on the same basis as above i.e. given some eventual successful drinking and eating - one scenario would be about 5 or 7 days more in hospital, with a transition between hospital and home, perhaps a hospice sojourn to stabilize and build strength ready for some home stay.

5. Awareness-raising (by us): the medical staff are now aware that their jobs include ensuring Gerald is able to get to the Cat/Yusuf concert with Andy on June 29th Vector Arena, and equally able to take me to Le Tabou's La Tour de Provence (Wine Maker's Dinner) on 7th July. Truly vital life-enhancing events - actually not so much, in the scheme of things, but worthy stretch targets nevertheless.

4 degrees and more warm sunshine in store, unless something different happens.

L

Systematically stepping on my head

At Gerald's request:
An update.

Quite a day, yesterday.

The details are - well, kind of gross. Maybe best encapsulated by the episode where the nurse (Welsh Michael, already had a mention here, with whom we have a shared sense of humour) and I measuring copious amounts of ummmmm green slushy vomit (I can't quite believe this now, playing it back here!) last evening before it went down the drain. Maybe not quite Guiness book of records material, I guess 1200 ml is chicken feed really ...

But seriously, folks, the reason for the accumulating fluids - and stuff - in the stomach, which has to be got rid of somehow, is that there is growth blocking things up.

Trying to avoid too many medical details: a CT scan confirmed the suspicion that this must be the case. A naso-gastric tube (inserted last night) will hopefully drain the stomach and relieve some of Gerald's symptoms; none of the medication has helped.

The doctor had a couple of serious chats last night. One with me, then one with both of us.
'nuff said.

There is a bad-case scenario (days, not months), and a good case scenario (the stomach drains, the pressure is relieved, the bowel unblocks itself (yes, it can happen), and we all carry on as before for a little while.

And some middle-case scenarios, including the one where there is surgical intervention to relieve symptoms, at least, and our time is complicated by further recovery from major surgery.

K?

Anyway, the delightful Wallace (a young, truly caring doctor without the West Country accent such a name might lead one to suspect) volunteered to take Alex and Sophie through the information - including scans etc - to help them understand what is happening with their Dad better. Hopefully this afternoon, complicated by a maths test (Alex) and an expected busy day on the ward for some reason.

Light relief:
What's wrong with lawyer jokes?
Lawyers don't think they're funny, and no-one else thinks they're jokes.

Anyways, The Big Sing in the Town Hall last night (I didn't get there - excuses as above - till half time) was a great show - secondary schools competing fiercely by SINGING - and Sophie's school did well for themselves.
And Sophie had her second poem published in the College Herald on Tuesday.
And Alex did really well in a calculus test.
And Stu and Maree brought dinner.
And - isn't it chilly these mornings!

Off to hospital. G had morpheine in his drip again last night, or perhaps in the subcutaneous third line he is a attached to (drip, subcut and naso-gastric emptying thingummy) - so hopefully slept some.

Love to all of you carers, wishing you all less interesting times -

L

PS Intending visitors - just check by text 021 606 115 - but G MAY be feeling a little cheerier and weller if the NG tube works well.

Tuesday, June 15, 2010

Somewhere deep inside

... something's got a hold on you. That's why I tell you -
- you'd better be home soon.

Same, more of the same. With variations. More sickness (how can anyone still vomit after 3 days without food and drink? - even the doctors ask).

CT scan is next, perhaps tomorrow if the queues die down.
Hoooope so.

And we all - Doctors, Gerald, me, and marvellous nurse Michael from Wales who understands music, especially of West Africa - hope that the scan might tell us what, if anything, is blocked, where, and by which particular invader.

The likelihood of an extreme chemo reaction diminishes as time goes on without improvement.

I left to get back before Alex's d-teams, and in time to heat up the most delicious lasagne and garlic bread (AND SALAD hallelujah) from Heather and Aniel (with an obviously heartfelt apology for eating a little of the 2 loaves of garlic bread!!!) for Alex and Sophie tonight.

Strange, says Sophie (who has now had her second poem in a row of 2 entries published in the Tuesday College Herald (insert to NZ Herald). "Alice" is a heartrending storyette of teenage angst, as real as can be.

With Dad in hospital, the place where it is all white. Unlike cozy cream Carlton Creek (ok, made that bit up, we live in a street, not a creek).

I've got an evening at school on Thursday you have to come to, says Alex. Don't know what for, don't know when, and I put the flyer on the bench, and if you haven't seen it, it's not my fault, I've done the right thing, why don't you know about it and when it is and what to do and all the other things magic mums do ...

... long answer, Alex ... - but here's a clue - it's in the magic mum bit (I'm not one :-)).

We all rub along very well, I remember hyperaware teenagership like it was today, the world a scourer on a sensitive psyche -

So: back to real info:
Tomorrow, back into hospital early.
Sometime during the day, hopefully a CT scan.
Even more hopefully, perhaps a chat with the doctors (who have promised to wait till I return from skiving off to sit a (ha!) law exam in the afternoon).

Then off to Sophie's Big Sing in the Town Hall at 6:30.
(and as a side note, Alex did a very cool, well-received, i.e high marked - well done my boy, I found calculus hard at school - maths test with results coming in today.)

Off with their heads!

You're nuts, mum.

L

When September ends

Raining, pouring, Gerald is back in Ward 64 ...

After a Saturday - Monday afternoon of fairly extreme sickness, I rang the oncology unit (again!) and was asked to bring G in.

Another battery of tests and exams, and he will probably stay in more than a night this time - but who can tell? Things change quickly.

Most likely a bad reaction to chemotherapy, but we need to exclude other obvious things.

Hopefully Gerald will have rested well, with injections and dripping in of anti-emetics, anti-cramping, anti-pain, pro-life fluids.

I'll be back there soon.
The children / young adults have been great (thanks, A&S).
Andy has helped a lot.
My Mum picked up Sophie yesterday - she is Big Singing in the Town Hall on Wednesday and had a late rehearsal after school.
Heather from Homegroup is bringing a meal tonight.
Mike picked up Sophie and 'Bella on Sunday morning.
And so on ...

Thanks all of you -

L

Friday, June 11, 2010

Abundant Life

Jesus promised it.
It doesn't mean long life.
It doesn't mean a wealthy life.
It doesn't mean a safe and secure life.
It doesn't mean a "successful" life.

Abundance?

Peace.
Fruit.
Love.
Joy.
Wholeness.

Free Again!

Into hospital about 7, 7.30 last night.
Not everyone turns up at A and E carrying a throw-up bowl with a copious offering.
Xrays of abdo and chest, then on to saline/morphine drip.
A VERY comfortable night!

Great nursing staff.
Salomi, 2 times survivor of breast cancer, with an 11 year old daughter.
The orderly counting down the days (14) till he is reunited with wife and children in Rarotonga.
The nurse who came in during the night and fixed my drip line (it had folded up on itself due to me not keeping my arm straight.
The lovely Janet, who showed me how to shower while attached to a chemo pump, and organised breakfast, and sorted out the doctors.
The doctors themselves, one attired in a retro-70s brown suit (and I thought I was taking risks as Robin Hood!), and cheerfully informed me they were setting me free!

Free to begin again, this journey of hope, pain, loss, gain, surprises, grace and love!
Many thanks to Lois, Paul, Plonie and Lorna for the visits today, helping to keep boredom at bay (and a lift home and fresh muffins from Lorna), and to the crew at school, especially Lee and Theo, who kept the Whare Puuoro (music house) running.
The sun is shining...
G.

Thursday, June 10, 2010

H.mmm..m...

Not sure. Not at all sure.

Life's like that.

Gerald asked me to post, which, as always, is a good way of keeping lots of people in the loop all at once ...

He's in hospital tonight, though I'm expecting he'll be back at home tomorrow. True to form, when told he would spend the night, at least, G tentatively questioned the nurse - "maybe I shouldn't go into school tomorrow then ...?" She paused, perhaps unsure of whether pain had affected brain beyond repair -

Anyway, a bit of a private joke, that one, as Gerald was in humourless misery mode at the time. Being very ill for several hours does that to one.

That is of course easily solved by a a steady drip of morphine, and a few smiles are now back on the horizon, at least.

We'll see what tomorrow brings.

'night.

L

Tuesday, June 8, 2010

Another Tuesday Afternoon

This time with Sophie waiting in the car.
Up the hill to the hospital, in the cold, cold wind.
Paul Thompson away in Chicago...
The cancer markers have stayed the same...plateaued.
I had cramps this afternoon and had no meds as I had gotten used to no pain!
Paul's sub reckoned to keep going with the chemo...so I will...
Robin Hood and Friar Tuck this Thu, then...
While most cancer counts go down smoothly, mine appears to be stop-starting erratically.
Came home and comforted myself by lying in bed with electric blanket on.
Alexander cooked the meal, and Sophie brought it to me as I lay in bed listening to the BBC talking about world cup soccer and Barack Obama kicking a...
And the orchestra was fun at lunchtime!
G.

Monday, June 7, 2010

Happy Birthday, Your Majesty...

I live in a flood.
Blue sky snuck out from time to time.
Still, a great excuse to see the Two Towers on Blue Ray.
Samson extremely snuggly today - nearly got himself squashed on the sofa.
Kids working away at school work and house work.
Tomorrow Sophie will do a stint as my assistant at school.
Waited over half an hour for blood test place to open up this morning - not impressed.
Still, the phlebotomists were pleasant.
Enjoying a soundtrack by the transcendental Youssou and the crazed Nick (Cave) today, with generous dollops of Dream Theater c/o vW junior.
So, not out to the West this weekend - maybe next weekend?
In the meantime, travelling with Bill Bryson through the UK of the late 90s - quite a journey!

G.

Sunday, June 6, 2010

Cancer Battle (a kind of poem)

Last time we talked I defied you.
I defy you again - in the strength of my King.

You are unseen.
You are deadly.
You are scary.
Are you laughing at me as you devour me?

I said, are you laughing at me??

Look at my face!
Am I bothered?

Regardez mon visage.
Am I bothered?

My body...
When the time comes, you can take it all...

My new body, my spirit, my essence...
They never were yours, and never will be.

Your sting and victory will pierce dead tissue and ring in emptiness.
I am not yours.

And if the news reads "after a long, brave battle", I wish I could rise up and say "the battle has already been won, and was never my battle"...

I come against you in the Name of the Lord Almighty,
The Lord of Hosts,
The King of Kings.

Wish I could swear at you the way I do in the privacy of my own room,
But it ain't, and never was, my battle.

And I will stand upon your grave and laugh...

Sweet Days

Yes, it's windy and wet.
A chance to WATCH DVDs indoors...

I have two very sweet CDs I discovered/purchased yesterday...
Youssou N'Dour's "Dakar - Kingston" which hears him collaborating with several of Uncle Bob's backing musicians (that's Marley) and a set of lyrics contributed by Uncle Yusuf...sweet.
Also the latest offering from Eric Bibb - "Booker's Guitar", a set of yummy acoustic blues featuring EB's delicious vocals, guitar playing and harmonica-blowing.

Sunday morning begins with Bruce Springsteen's Thunder Road cranked up to suitably loud, respectful levels.

Fellowship of the Ring over at Blue Ray Way (Andrew's flat), and James Bond, and a rum and coke, and no pain or nausea, and a walk round the block, and people telling me I look great (no, not total strangers, it has to be said)...
And an extra day of recreation tomorrow...
Life can indeed be very sweet, without having to try to hard at it...

G.

Thursday, June 3, 2010

A Funny Story

We heard from the Principal yesterday that a colleague's father had passed away, and she would probably be away from school for some time.

This morning on the staffroom whiteboard read the happy news "X's Dad is fine...it was her cat that died".

Apparently X had been so upset delivering the news that the DP in charge of relief had heard "Dad" instead of "cat".

Several colleagues spent fruitless hours scanning the Death Notices of the Herald.

X's HoD had rung her on Wed night to commiserate, and had been told by X, "It's all right. We ended up burying him in the front garden"....

Alarm bells began to ring....

Sad about the cat, of course, but relieved to hear Dad is still alive and kicking, and no further leave was required...

Pretty Darn Good!!

Feeling excellent today!
NEARLY back like the "old days" (blimmin' hernia...)
First, had an excellent sleep (8 hours!).
I have cajoled 5 blokes into being a prayer support team for me (about time?)...
and every night I plan to flick out a short email about what I need/want.
Simple as that!
The sleep was on my prayer list, and I felt so snug this morning, it seemed a shame to get up and go to work.
Work was beautiful.
A hilarious story up in the staffroom, which I will share eventually...
Year 13s performing in groups - confident, expressive, well-rehearsed!
A student teacher doing lovely work with years 11, 9 and 10!
Good mates.
Great weather.
Warm and funny times with wife and kids.
No pain whatsoever - no nausea whatsoever.
Life is a miracle.
Miracles happen.
I give thanks for this beautiful day indeed, and the promise of more beauty and love to come.
A new Simpsons disc to watch!

Welcome to Fenella (Gill?), who has become official follower number 34!

Enjoy the long weekend!

G.

Wednesday, June 2, 2010

After the Rain...

Spent a lot of today thinking it was time for my feet to dry out.
Attended Restorative Justice training.
No coffee at the start, which was a let-down for those of us who stayed up too late last night!
Eventually the caterers made it in and the sun came out and my world was changed.
There are 4 O.C. teachers who attended this course.
My hope is that our school will implement it fully, not piecemeal, and that our culture will become truly restorative.
I'm still waiting to hear encouraging noises from higher authorities tho - it would have been a shame to have wasted thousands of dollars on our training...
Afric Pepperbird was our driving home soundtrack today - an obscure early album by Garbarek and co, with many odd sounds - took me back to 1986 and my foray into alternative jazz with a group called The Leaonard's Bird's Died Quartet (get it??).
Currently snuggling on sofa with Samson...
I guess he's waiting for his feet to dry out also...

G.

"The Marriage of Figaro" (dress rehearsal review)

I took 18 South Auckland novices to this - they enjoyed it.
I loved the sets - they had a Dutch Masters feel to them - vivid wood staining, light that effectively created the different stages of the day, and a pure blue-ish tinge that informed the overall design.
The orchestra played well but was rather subdued - the overture rather low key.
I enjoyed the dance choreography - played for comic effect.
Acting performances pretty average, relying a little too much on convention.
Singing okay but nothing really special - Susanna's role sung well.
Nothing new to report in terms of other vocal interpretations.
Liked "Dove Sono" from the countess - sung with due pathos and beauty.
An entertaining evening out relying on visual gags and the osmotic beauty of Mozart's tunes.
Hard not to like the show - the characters are wonderfully human, even if, on this particular occasion, a little straitjacketed by convention.
So, if you like your Mozart straight and not too challenging, this is the production for you.

7/10.